Test Yer Mettle

How gritty are you, really? Add up your score at the bottom of the test. Now get at ‘er!

Questions:

1. Have you climbed Mt. Lefroy, Mt. Victoria, Pope’s Peak, Mt. Temple, Mt. Whyte, Mt. Stephen, Peaks 3 and 6 in the Valley of Ten Peaks and Mt. Assiniboine?

  • a) Yes, I have done them all in one season (200)
  • b) I’ve done Victoria and the Pope (50)
  • c) Yes, I’ve done it in hobnail boots and a skirt (1000)
  • d) Not if my life depended on it (1000)

2. Have you ever done the dirty in the dirt?

  • a) Yes, I have done it in every season (400)
  • b) I dabble (10)
  • c) I’ve done Victoria and the Pope (50)
  • d) I do what it takes to get the job done (1000)
  • e) Yes, I’ve done it in hobnail boots and a skirt (500)
  • f) No, I always come home before dark (-50)

3. Have you ever been attacked by a wild animal?

  • a) Not yet (0)
  • b) I straight-up got mauled by a cougar (1000)
  • c) I straight-up got mauled by a cougar in a bar (40)

4. How close have you come to killing a wild animal?

  • a) I eat a lot of wild salmon (5)
  • b) I steamroll rabbits on a daily basis (50)
  • c) About this close (24)
  • d) I could have killed a cougar with my bare hands once, but I spared its life (1000)
  • e) A man’s gotta eat (1000)

5. You find a baby lying in the weeds, you:

  • a) Call the local authorities (-10)
  • b) Give it to your friend, she’s barren (1000)
  • c) Pocket the weed, leave the baby (50)
  • d) High-tail it, you know there are wolves nearby (5)

6. What vehicle do you drive?

  • a) 2012 Audi (-100)
  • b) 1978 Wood Buffalo (1000)
  • c) Kona Explosif circa 1993 (25)
  • d) I hoof it (50)
  • e) Recumbent bike (-80)

7. How do you choose what to wear in the morning?

  • a) Clean pickin’s (10)
  • b) Whatever I woke up in (10)
  • c) Only 100% Fair Trade Organic Cotton Handmade Cruelty-Free Free-Range Local Grassfed Hemp (50)
  • d) Canadian tuxedo or nothin (1000)
  • e) I only dress out of obligation (1000)

8. How do you groom your facial hair?

  • a) At home with The “No-No” (-50)
  • b) I have my esthetician on speed dial (-50)
  • c) Straight razor (100)
  • d) It does what I tell it to do (1000)
  • e) The police make bullet-proof vests from my beard trimmings (999)
  • f) Tweezers (1)

9. What is your claim to notoriety?

  • a) More than 10 people like your status updates on a regular basis (3)
  • b) Photo on a milk carton (500)
  • c) You made a movie in the seventies (40)
  • d) The movie you made in the 70’s has earned you sex-symbol status (1000)
  • e) I change the words on the Boston Pizza sign (600)

BONUS: What tool did you use to take this test?

  • a) computer (0)
  • b) paper and pencil (10)
  • c) dinosaur bone and stone tablet (50)
  • d) iPad (1000)
  • e) goats blood (500)

SCORING

1-250: Sorry, please try again.

250 to 1000: Not bad. A kick from a buffalo would help you get up there in the ranks.

1000 to 3000: You have potential!

3000 to 9,999: Strangers and friends get grit in their teeth by shaking hands with you.

10,000 points: Congratulations, you are Rick Guinn.

Post your scores on our Facebook Page! If this test made absolutely no sense to you, reading our Summer 2012 issue may shed some light.The most popular 2017 spy software applications for the mobile phones.

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